[personal profile] floorpigeon
So. This comes as a surprise to me, but I've decided I want to be published. It's still a feeling in the very early stages... it needs to be backed up by actually writing original fic more seriously, obviously. But. One reason I never seriously wanted it is that I thought none of my work was good enough/finished enough, but this is something I can fix if I have a desire to. After all, when I was writing a zillion fanfics, even if I didn't finish 30-40%, I did finish the other 60%. So I can do it if I just have a burst approach. The other reason is more thorny: I didn't respect the industry and didn't think being published when so much crap is published would distinguish me much, especially when so much crap is also self-published online. This latter idea is not at all motivating 'cause it's so gloriously easy to put off. No deadlines for self-publishing stuff.

    But anyway. So that's still true: I still think urban fantasy has gone down the crapper 'cause it's gotten too popular for its own good. So much crap exists because, well, it all exists in bulk so of course much of it's crap. I mean, I am an old-school fan of urban fantasy, since I was into it before it got popular, for my own reasons, nurtured by quirky stuff by a hodgepodge of authors (though ironically I'm still not into Charles DeLint even though he's consistently Different). Anyway, so I'm an Emma Bull/Nina Kiriki Hoffman/Neil Gaiman girl. I was obsessed with Bordertown, quirky magic, and stuff on the border of magic realism, back in the day. None of my favorite authors as a teen even mentioned vampires or werewolves. It was all about elves, and how living in the gritty urban environment redefined your relationship to magic, to family, to dreams, to art, to yourself.

All this came rushing back, just looking at a comic in the new short-story collection, 'Welcome to Bordertown'. And it struck me when I saw Cassandra Claire reccing it on the back cover, saying it brought her back to childhood or whatever. I was like, man. Someone who's one of the reasons I'm not so hot on being published (based on popularity and quality of fiction) was at the same time the person who made me want to change my mind. I mean, I know why she's on the back cover-- the book's edited by Holly Black, and it's all about connections, right. But seeing it on my nostalgic beloved series cover made me feel like I don't want to give up the field. The people who dominate are the people who're there. The field is the way it is 'cause of demand equalling supply, yes, but also because not enough new voices go into the genre wanting to do their own thing.

I can't expect I'll be famous, of course. And I'm still wary of being asked to do series, and being drawn into writing vampires, and so on. I want my shot, though. Even if I'm just so quirky small-time author who gets published in a magazine or anthology or two or five, but when I was 15, those are some of the authors I loved best. I wouldn't mind having A Presence for the long-haul, with a rather small but consistent fanbase. I want to keep writing small stories 30 years from now, 40 years from now, in my own way for whoever wants them. Just because everyone wants serial novels doesn't mean I have to fill the same niche everyone's hot to fill.

I want to be asked to write for anthologies like Bordertown-- things I love. I want to be part of the fantasy/sci-fi community in my own way. It'll also just be nice that a really minor fanfic author could have a shot and a voice alongside of the super-famous ones. I think if I start writing and trying to be published, that'd make me happy in its own way, even if I don't get published. Maybe I don't have to think about what the industry's like, and just do what I like anyway. Seems as good of a starting point as any.


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the one who stumbled

January 2015

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