May. 23rd, 2011

the camps

May. 23rd, 2011 04:13 pm
People are so weird and mysterious and painful to contemplate and beautiful. Like, at the same time. I dunno. How can something beautiful be so painful and unfair? I feel childish even thinking about it.

Anyway, so I have this prejudice: I think if you're truly gay, you shouldn't be married/attached to a person of the opposite sex; unquestionably if it's a lie, but also if you're honest and mutually agree. Like I said, this latter part isn't rational but a prejudice. I mean, the thing is, the reason is, to me a sexual relationship is an integral part of marriage; I don't fully get why you'd need a relationship and not a close friendship if you love each other but don't want to have sex.
    blah. )

I'm a big believer in platonic love, but what I really hate is confusing it with romantic love, or conflating it or whatever. In some ways, though, there's a whole big strand of romantic literature and/or love stories which do exactly that. There's the 'eros' strand and the 'philia' strand. Both camps seem convinced theirs is the One True Strand, or One True Love (you can sort of tell a person is a philia-strander if they even use words like 'soul-mate', I guess). For philia-stranders, sex is an afterthought, this semi-insignificant 'thing you do', or 'lifestyle choice', or 'movie or sex this Tuesday?' so it's not a big deal to 'go out' vs 'eat in'. These must be the people who write shounen-ai stories that don't even have kissing. Conversely, eros-stranders often confuse sex with love and do stupid things like stay with people only 'cause they sex is good, or write stories where people fall in love half an hour after sex (or during).

To be honest, I'm an eros-strander, but both are stupid, and painful to contemplate to the point of being tragic. Happy or not, living with your best friend and calling it True Love is kind of tragic. Likewise, living with your fuck-buddy who you're barely able to tolerate and calling it True Love. I'm only an eros-strander because I believe in the union of opposites, consuming yourself/the Other, and love as transformation. You can't really -do- that without the dark libidinal energy that drives aggression and sexual union. It's the yin-yang thing-- you need that possessiveness, fear, need in order to overcome it. You need the darkness to find the light. If you don't want to possess and consume and sexually own someone, how can you grow past it to love them purely? But, of course, this is just my happy little personal philosophy and not 'reality'.
    etc. )


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