the one who stumbled (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
floorpigeon) wrote2011-03-12 11:25 pm
floorpigeon) wrote2011-03-12 11:25 pm
H/D in living color~~! <3
So, I can't believe I'm saying this, but two guys from my poetics class performed a piece of a Harry/Draco fanfic I wrote tonight. Yes. Oh yes.
I didn't see half of it because I was too busy hyperventilating and laughing from embarrassment (and amusement). It was just insane. One of those moments that you just never imagine will ever happen to you as an H/D fangirl, hahah oh man.
Basically I rewrote/added to an old angsty fic-- changed the names, details, etc, changed the plot arc somewhat and stuff. I just thought it fit the theme (write about 'the body'). I didn't really intend to tell anyone except asking my professor for permission. Then (since it was to be a group project), I assumed we'd all do our own thing, and maybe they'd give me feedback. In the end, I was with two guys who weren't really doing anything for their own project, so mine was all that was available, and I'm chatty, so I mentioned it's formerly an HP fanfic. This was exacerbated because one of the guys was familiar with fandom and thought it would be hilarious to put the names back in the piece they were going to perform from my fic... and since he liked it, I was like, 'ok why not'. I mean, since I made them read my 60 page NC-17 fic (which they didn't finish), I didn't want to be too finicky/embarrassed. Even though I still am both finicky and embarrassed. >_____>;;
In the end, people enjoyed it and laughed, but I ended up having to take questions at the end, and the worst scenario happened: everyone related to it (unsurprisingly) as an HP parody piece, and there were people who felt they couldn't comment 'cause they're unfamiliar with HP(!), and the people who *did* were the ones who *were* familiar. That is just *really* not what I wanted. I mean, Harry's a cop, there's no magic, it's slash... what part of it requires HP canon??! Yes, you'd get the meta-level jokes more if you know HP well enough to know that Harry and Draco are pricks in canon in different ways and I was playing with the expectations of the epilogue, etc-- but it shouldn't be *necessary*. Ugh. I know I shouldn't complain-- people seemed to enjoy it-- but, y'know, there's a reason I changed their names, and there's a reason I am cautious. But whatever, my project partners had fun, that's what matters. I mean, I'm sure it's supposed to be every fangirls' dream to have two cute guys perform an H/D slash scene in public. And they had fun! I should be over the moon, right. And I *did* enjoy it. But. But. BUT. Yeah.
Our final class performance was tonight, in one of our classmates' houses (because it's supposedly more open/inviting that way or whatever). I wasn't really thrilled, but whatever. I left early 'cause I had my job to go to, but also because I always feel awkward even in social gatherings I'm *supposed* to be a part of unless it's explicitly not only for class but also on school property (I guess). The same thing that makes other people tense up (things being 'official') makes me relax. It's in informal settings that I start feeling awkward because people chat with me and it becomes clearer how, well, awkward I am at it. In a class setting everyone's about equally awkward. In fact, I get to feel more relaxed and/or more on top of it 'cause I'm chatty and extraverted in class (all known in comparison, of course, so it's very much a false measure).
I sat down to watch my project partners act, and the guy next to me struck up a conversation... I said I wasn't going to participate 'cause I'm not a man. I mean, I said it as a joke of sorts (plus I wasn't thinking)... and it's true-- I couldn't really make a convincing Harry or Draco, could I. I'd prefer Draco wasn't just a guy but also blond and skinny (instead of bald and chubby), but male is a good prerequisite unless you're just that good at drag, y'know. Anyway, saying 'I'm not a man' is a good shorthand for a long-winded explanation. No one enjoys my long-winded explanations. :P Anyway, I think he was a little offended. >_____>; Like, he said, 'I'm not a man either,' and I think I recovered pretty easily, but it's just a good example of why I suck at casual vs class conversation, y'know.
Maybe I shouldn't be so down on myself or whatever. But I just feel... inadequate? Because all the people I think are cool seem to have 'normal' friends in college, that must have been on 'classmate' level at one point and somehow progressed beyond that. And I never do. Ever. I meet cool people and then nothing happens, even without me unfortunately claiming not to be a man in a Transgressive Bodies poetics class.
Ugh.
Not that I'm like, 'waaaah be my reeeeal friend toooo :( :(' although, uhhh I guess I kind of am?? hahahaha. Oh man. Gar. Well I'll be happy when this too is mostly forgotten. :/
I didn't see half of it because I was too busy hyperventilating and laughing from embarrassment (and amusement). It was just insane. One of those moments that you just never imagine will ever happen to you as an H/D fangirl, hahah oh man.
Basically I rewrote/added to an old angsty fic-- changed the names, details, etc, changed the plot arc somewhat and stuff. I just thought it fit the theme (write about 'the body'). I didn't really intend to tell anyone except asking my professor for permission. Then (since it was to be a group project), I assumed we'd all do our own thing, and maybe they'd give me feedback. In the end, I was with two guys who weren't really doing anything for their own project, so mine was all that was available, and I'm chatty, so I mentioned it's formerly an HP fanfic. This was exacerbated because one of the guys was familiar with fandom and thought it would be hilarious to put the names back in the piece they were going to perform from my fic... and since he liked it, I was like, 'ok why not'. I mean, since I made them read my 60 page NC-17 fic (which they didn't finish), I didn't want to be too finicky/embarrassed. Even though I still am both finicky and embarrassed. >_____>;;
In the end, people enjoyed it and laughed, but I ended up having to take questions at the end, and the worst scenario happened: everyone related to it (unsurprisingly) as an HP parody piece, and there were people who felt they couldn't comment 'cause they're unfamiliar with HP(!), and the people who *did* were the ones who *were* familiar. That is just *really* not what I wanted. I mean, Harry's a cop, there's no magic, it's slash... what part of it requires HP canon??! Yes, you'd get the meta-level jokes more if you know HP well enough to know that Harry and Draco are pricks in canon in different ways and I was playing with the expectations of the epilogue, etc-- but it shouldn't be *necessary*. Ugh. I know I shouldn't complain-- people seemed to enjoy it-- but, y'know, there's a reason I changed their names, and there's a reason I am cautious. But whatever, my project partners had fun, that's what matters. I mean, I'm sure it's supposed to be every fangirls' dream to have two cute guys perform an H/D slash scene in public. And they had fun! I should be over the moon, right. And I *did* enjoy it. But. But. BUT. Yeah.
Our final class performance was tonight, in one of our classmates' houses (because it's supposedly more open/inviting that way or whatever). I wasn't really thrilled, but whatever. I left early 'cause I had my job to go to, but also because I always feel awkward even in social gatherings I'm *supposed* to be a part of unless it's explicitly not only for class but also on school property (I guess). The same thing that makes other people tense up (things being 'official') makes me relax. It's in informal settings that I start feeling awkward because people chat with me and it becomes clearer how, well, awkward I am at it. In a class setting everyone's about equally awkward. In fact, I get to feel more relaxed and/or more on top of it 'cause I'm chatty and extraverted in class (all known in comparison, of course, so it's very much a false measure).
I sat down to watch my project partners act, and the guy next to me struck up a conversation... I said I wasn't going to participate 'cause I'm not a man. I mean, I said it as a joke of sorts (plus I wasn't thinking)... and it's true-- I couldn't really make a convincing Harry or Draco, could I. I'd prefer Draco wasn't just a guy but also blond and skinny (instead of bald and chubby), but male is a good prerequisite unless you're just that good at drag, y'know. Anyway, saying 'I'm not a man' is a good shorthand for a long-winded explanation. No one enjoys my long-winded explanations. :P Anyway, I think he was a little offended. >_____>; Like, he said, 'I'm not a man either,' and I think I recovered pretty easily, but it's just a good example of why I suck at casual vs class conversation, y'know.
Maybe I shouldn't be so down on myself or whatever. But I just feel... inadequate? Because all the people I think are cool seem to have 'normal' friends in college, that must have been on 'classmate' level at one point and somehow progressed beyond that. And I never do. Ever. I meet cool people and then nothing happens, even without me unfortunately claiming not to be a man in a Transgressive Bodies poetics class.
Ugh.
Not that I'm like, 'waaaah be my reeeeal friend toooo :( :(' although, uhhh I guess I kind of am?? hahahaha. Oh man. Gar. Well I'll be happy when this too is mostly forgotten. :/