ext_257573 ([identity profile] floorpigeon.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] floorpigeon 2011-11-06 01:59 am (UTC)

Hm. Doesn't this assume that most people favor one character over the other? I mean, I do favor Spock (somewhat), so ok, but I don't really favor Draco... though you could make a case that I loved Draco first and got imprinted? Maybe? I mean, it *started* with Draco, though on the other hand I mostly wrote Draco topping back in the beginning 'cause he was all fanon and obsessively badass or whatever (haha IP days). I was always pretty sure I wanted Harry to be chased, even when Harry topped. At the same time, Draco was always the more emotionally vulnerable and desperate one. Um. And then there was the super-freaky days when I was heavily favoring Harry and going very far onto the dommy!Harry side to the point where my Harry morphed into someone a lot harsher and more ruthless than canon, but the more I loved him, the darker I got. I'm just weird, I guess. But then, Harry was always The Beloved, because like, the whole point of the pairing (to me) is that Draco Wants Harry, and he taunts Harry into snapping and pushing him against the wall just to shut him up, etcetc.

To be honest, it's not like the whole 'favorite = woobie' dynamic is foreign to me-- I mean, I wanted him to be happy but I tortured him. So yeah, weirdly, I guess maybe my top!Harry does fit into this dynamic, 'cause I did make him a victim, albeit of himself. I dunno if I'm on crack with this, but I *think* my pushing him to extremes and making him self-destruct might have been a different manifestation of the more typical 'torture woobie till the top heals him with sex'. Well, except my Draco never healed Harry with sex or anything else, and Harry was the one dealing with Draco's issues/mood-swings/sexual needs, and in fact mostly Draco made his life worse. Huh.


With Spock, it kind of works-- sort of-- I guess Jim desiring him sort of(?) proves he's awesome, though I can't imagine either Jim's or Spock's awesomeness being in question, or their regard for each other (well, in the Reboot, ok). Again, I guess Spock bottoming for *me* is more about love/desire compromising his emotional integrity (same as it does to Harry). He has to break something he believes is precious to get together sexually/romantically with Jim or anyone other than his betrothed, but especially Jim, who is so special, his only true friend (and even that he barely acknowledges in TOS after TMP). So yeah, getting them to go further was always a breaking. This is actually the reason I used to be insistent I wasn't a K/S shipper-- I wanted them both to be whole. This is also the reason I eventually preferred Harry to be with Ginny/un-slashed. I didn't want to break him, and could only do it in Reboot (when it's AU so ok) and only half-heartedly with TOS fic sometimes.

I'm with you about the 'putting them through certain motions'-- I sort of mentioned that with exploring issues through Spock bottoming, to do with my general bias toward logical/in-control types letting go, melting the ice, etc. The people who're like, 'Jim is a Captain and thus should shed control in the bedroom' make me gack. I mean, seriously?? haha. blah blah :)

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